Are you Addicted to 'NO'? Locating the YES! of the Heart

It seems to me that our moment to moment relationship to Life can basically be reduced to a 'YES' or a 'NO'. Let me explain?

This moment and everything in it, IS as it IS, ALREADY. Everything already IS as it IS, even before we have an opinion about HOW it is. Everything IS as it IS, independent of how we think or feel about how it is. This understanding can be summarized in the statement "What IS, simply IS!" This does not mean we must desire or even like 'What IS', only that resistance to 'What IS', is futile. Saying 'NO' to what already IS, is useless resistance, is insane, and even absurd. But we do it anyway. Don't we? Why?

I would suggest part of the reason lies in that when we were very young, we learned that our 'NO' can effect the moments that are about to happen. While our 'NO' does become part of the next moment, it cannot otherwise change the moment that already IS, because? well? it already IS! But our 'NO' can influence and affect the moments that are about to unfold (and sometimes in the manner we desire).

I'm sitting in my highchair as a baby, mom pushing in the pabulum well past the point of full, now flowing over gums, hands, and bib, a pre-verbal inner resistance arises, hands flailing and pushing against, mouth clamping shut, face scrunching up, head turning away, squealing (like a baby)?and finally ?finally mom understands the unspoken yet unmistakable NO that is being conveyed by my sounds and actions, and she finally relents?

We have just learned the power of our 'NO'. And what a power it is. For in our 'NO' lies the power of changing the future. With our 'NO' we say, "I will not allow 'how it is' to continue", and we can begin to take action and move towards 'how it might be'. We start by using our 'NO' to affect our lives, by taking action determined by our desire for things to be other than they are, here and now.

But then we get completely carried away. We become 'NO' addicts and we start to apply our 'NO' where it doesn't belong. We do not simply use our 'NO' to effect change of the future, but instead use our 'NO' in places and situations where it is not only useless, but also harmful. Most often our 'NO' is simply an unconscious and ineffective resistance to WHAT ALREADY IS. Saying 'NO' to WHAT ALREADY IS, is in any other words, simply suffering. A 'NO' without action is simply complaining.

The most common form of useless 'NO' is our unconscious habitual mental chatter. "I wish things weren't like this" "This is so unfair" "Things shouldn't be like this" "Why me?" "I hate this". But that is just the beginning. Our useless mental 'NO' affects us emotionally creating an emotional 'NO' in the form of resistance or closure to feelings. "I' don't want to feel this" "This hurts too much " "I can't stand feeling like this".

When this emotional 'NO' also become unconscious and habitual, we are shut down to not only our emotional pain, but also to our joy as well. This emotional 'NO' then becomes a physical 'NO' where we are physically resisting and contracting, living in a state of tension and stress. We hold our breath as 'NO' to avoid feeling. We avoid eye contact as 'NO' to avoid vulnerability. We zone out, daydream, distract ourselves and live on auto-pilot as 'NO' to avoid REALITY. Half alive, half awake, habitually resisting 'What IS' by thinking and feeling 'NO', we sleepily stumble toward our death.

In short, we live our lives in a state of unconscious and habitual mental, emotional, and physical resistance, avoidance, and denial in the shape of our 'NO'. OUCH! What to do?

Start by noticing: EVERYTHING IS as it IS, however it is. Say 'YES' to 'What IS' and simply acknowledge 'What IS' as it is. Notice that EVERYTHING IS as it IS, however it is. Feel 'YES' to 'What IS' and simply accept 'What IS' as it is. Feel the 'YES' especially in your chest in the Heart area. Feel 'Yes' in your Heart, and simply embrace the IS-NESS of 'What IS'', whatever is. Now deepen your 'YES' through your body/mind, allowing this verbal feeling 'YES' to shine on everything. With practice one can establish and maintain contact with 'YES'! in all moments.

As you move through the days and nights of the changing seasons and cycles of your Life, dive deeply into the Heart of Reality, which is always just as it IS, no matter HOW it is.

Now do this the rest of your Life. Acknowledge, accept, and embrace everything as it IS. Say and feel 'YES' to 'What IS'. Anything else is suffering.

Aaron McNaught is the owner and service provider of a Red Deer based company called: Aaron McNaught Education/Consultations. He offers varied and unique approaches to Healing, Growth, and Life Exploration. As a personal consultant, Aaron specializes in working with anger, grief, stress, and addiction, and in assisting individuals to restore meaning to their life.

Aaron's main passion is Public Speaking. Drawing upon the gifts of his words and his presence he reminds people of their Enormity and Magnificence. He describes himself as a 'Wake-up Artist', which means he helps people remember or 'Wake-up' to who they truly are, beyond stories and descriptions.

Aaron is the author of a forthcoming book, entitled, Waking Up to Life: Celebrating the Graces of Suffering and Awareness.

He lives in Red Deer Alberta Canada and can be reached at wakingup@shaw.ca